Dear Subscriber

For many people it is very difficult to say NO. There are many reasons for not saying NO, often it is because we don't want to appear uncaring, or rude, or maybe we don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or worse, are afraid that the other person will become aggressive or take some action we dislike.

We often find ourselves saying YES and instantly regretting it! If we say YES when every fibre of our being is saying NO this situation actually creates more stress for the following reasons:

  • It builds resentment (we steadily build this simmering pile of resentment until we burst)
  • We will not do the good job that we usually do (because we don't want to do it or have not got the time)
  • It affects the quality of other work in which we are engaged
 
 

Learn how to say NO with Grace and style. Here's three really useful alternative ways to say NO that are assertive and not at all aggressive.

  1. Extract yourself clearly from the situation: 'No I can’t work late this evening'. 'No I can’t come out for a drink tonight'.
  2. Be very clear and give a reason why you are saying no. The reason must be real and not that you don't fancy it: 'Martin, I can't complete that report today because I don't have the time to do it properly.'
  3. Say NO with understanding and an explanation: 'I can see why you...' 'Clearly you need...' 'I'm pleased you asked me but...'
 
 

There is always a reason to say NO, so explain the reason and do not start with 'But' or 'However' as the other person will know the answer is NO and may stop listening. From one human to another, call on them to understand our position.

'So you can see the difficulty your request gives me'

'I think you can see the position I am in'

'I'm not able to help you - this time'

Try out the techniques for yourself - and let us know how you get on. For other tips please visit our website www.inspirechange.com
 

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