Dear Subscriber

We're big fans of 'The Apprentice' here at Inspire Change, but we felt uncomfortable at the level of verbal abuse one candidate employed to belittle others. No-one should have to put up with that level of anger and bullying so we thought that June's newsletter should give some hints and tips on how to successfully counter verbal attacks.
 
 

When you are the unwilling victim of verbal abuse, you perceive you are under threat. Each individual will have a different response, of course - you might get angry back and engage in a tirade of deeply personal insults ("that showed them, huh?"), you might avoid the confrontation and run away, you might enlist the support and opinion of several colleagues ("I can't believe this is happening again") or you might internalise your angry response and blame yourself in some way.

So what's to be done? These practical tips might help:

  • Remove yourself from the situation and displace the discussion to another time or place (taking a 'time out')
  • Agree with parts of the statement that are true, and then take a 'time out'
  • Avoid lengthy justifications and excuses
  • Respond with a neutral statement, in other words say what you see ("I can see you're angry about this")
 
 

The thing to remember is that you are more in control than they are at the point of the verbal abuse; therefore, you are more able to select a rational and appropriate response.

This does need practice and until you have developed this skill, you also need a rescue technique for yourself. You need to be able to protect yourself against this onslaught - here are some ideas:

  • Have a few moments of reflection somewhere private and quiet
  • Make a cup of tea and chat with someone friendlier about something different
  • Email Inspire Change for our DESC script technique (mailto:emily@inspirechange.com)
  • Get a stress ball and squeeze hard!
 

For other free tips and advice please visit our Top Tips page.

 

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